


What You Lost (You Can't Replace)

by lostinanotherworld24



Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Abduction, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kidnapping, nothing graphic though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22594597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinanotherworld24/pseuds/lostinanotherworld24
Summary: Clay always thought he knew his origins, but not everything is as it seems. One news report leads him on a journey of self-discovery, but where does it end? Watch as old relationships are tested, blurriness clarified, and a new way of life is found.
Comments: 34
Kudos: 129





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Back at ya with another story! I apologize for the shortness of the first chapter; hopefully the next ones will be longer. Thank you for reading, and don't forget to drop a review. 
> 
> A special mention goes to burn_me_down for being the kindest person ever, even when I ruin rollercoasters. Thank you for everything dear.

Clay flopped down onto his couch and tipped his head back, a heavy sigh slipping from his lips. The six-month deployment Bravo had just come home from had been brutal, with minimal time spent sleeping and nearly every waking hour devoted to action. He loved his job, but a man needs his rest.  


_And his space,_ Clay thought wryly, opening his eyes to his empty apartment. Sure his brothers were great, but six months with the same five people could wear on anybody. Add in an only child accustomed to his alone time, and by the plane ride home, he’d been calculating at what distance he could safely launch from the plane. (Jason had anticipated this and banned him from the parachutes. Clay had been desperate enough to seriously consider jumping without one.)   


After a few minutes, Clay dredged up some motivation and shoved himself to standing. He flipped on the local news before grabbing his bags, the thick silence beginning to wear on him. It was only for the background noise, something to accompany him sorting through his mail and unpacking his bags. He was just deciding if he could wear his favorite t-shirt for one more day or not when a certain segment caught his ear. 

_“The search has not ended for Lukas Moore, a 2-year-old boy abducted from his home 28 years ago this week. His parents put him in his crib one summer’s night, and when they came back to check on him, he was gone. Authorities initiated an extensive search for him, but could not produce any leads. His parents still believe he is out there somewhere, and just want him to come home. On your screen now is an age-progressed photo of Lukas, in addition to a photo taken shortly before the abduction. Please take a good look at it; Lukas had blonde curly hair and blue eyes. One unique physical characteristic is to a birthmark in the shape of a lightning bolt on his left shoulder.”_  


The olive green t-shirt held in his hands slipped to the ground, and he numbly sank into a chair. How many blonde hair, blue-eyed boys had a lightning bolt on their shoulder? An urgent need for confirmation made him whip his head up and glance at the TV. He nearly threw up at the sight of the age-progressed photo of Lukas; minus a few scars and the uneven ridge of a broken nose, the older Lukas and he were practically twins. 

_“What the fuck, what the_ **fuck** ,” he whispered to himself, and leaned all the way forward, grasping handfuls of his hair. This didn’t happen, thirty-year-old Navy SEALs didn’t just happen to find out their entire lives may have been a lie. His life had already been a fucking rollercoaster, what with his mom’s sudden death and the flight to Africa...

He sucked in a hard breath at that last thought, heart quickening in his chest. His sudden move had supposedly been due to Ash not knowing how to parent a little boy, but what if the motives had been a lot more sinister? Could Ash not only have kidnapped a two-year-old kid but sent him to another country entirely only a few years later?   


The first instinct was to march over to Ash’s house right then and there, demand to see his birth certificate or baby photos. It seemed Jason had managed to instill something in him after all, because a calmer, more reasonable course of action grabbed the impulsive side and strangled it. Clay sank back down into his couch and took some deep breaths. 

_I’ll give it 24 hours_ , he decided, staring at his hands. _Give it some thought, decide if I want to open this can of worms. Once I do this, if I’m right, there’s not any going back._  


Despite his exhaustion, he couldn’t sleep at all that night, kept awake by thoughts of his early childhood. His mind sifted through memory after memory, though they were few and far between. Africa would always be the clearest thing from back then, and a sense of sadness overcame him at that. Who would he be if his early life had contained siblings and baseball in the yard, rather than endless fighting and purple bruises on his pale arms?   


Eventually, he drifted off to a nightmare-filled sleep, whimpers reminiscent of a little boy filling the silent apartment. 


	2. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New information is found, and Clay has a conversation. His questions may have been answered, but he is far from done digging for the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the wonderfully sweet comments left on the first chapter! I am thrilled that you guys enjoyed it so much, and I hope you all will enjoy this equally as much! 
> 
> The website Clay reads is a real website, called charleyproject.org, and they do fantastic work! Please consider checking them out! 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and don't forget to leave a review!

Clay pulled his laptop onto his lap and opened it to a search page. The past few days were fraught with indecision, and he’d finally gotten sick of going in circles with himself. For a moment he was paralyzed with a familiar hesitancy, before shoving past and typing “ _Lukas Moore abduction”._ He clicked through a few news articles, some old and some new, before finally hitting paydirt, on a website for missing people. 

The page had the same photo the news story had, and Clay studied it in detail. There was no denying it, he and Lukas looked remarkably similar. He scrolled down a little and studied the physical characteristics section, the bit about the lightning bolt hitting like a punch. Sure, it could be a coincidence, but that would certainly be a remarkable one. 

Down a little farther lay the details of the abduction, and the more Clay read the sicker he felt. 

_“Lukas was last seen in Glen Allen, Virginia on June 28th, 1991. His parents put him to bed at around 8:30 pm; they lived in the 1600 block of Calumet Avenue. The last person known to have seen him was his older brother Joseph, with whom he shared a room, and his parents._

_Lukas’ parents performed periodic checks on the boy, as he’d been sick lately, and estimated he was taken sometime between 10:00-11:00 pm. Preliminary investigations into the parents eliminated them as suspects, and there was nothing in their personal lives to suggest any enemies. This is classified as a non-family abduction._

_None of the neighbors reported seeing or hearing anything unusual in the days preceding the kidnapping. Lukas’ parents were never contacted for a ransom in the days following, and they never heard or saw their son again. No evidence was ever turned up, and his case went cold shortly thereafter._

_His family has never stopped searching for him, and remain hopeful that they will someday get answers as to the true fate of Lukas. They never moved or changed their phone number, in hopes the kidnappers would eventually return Lukas. His case remains unsolved. “_

There was a level of parental dedication there that Clay had never experienced, and it made his decision for him. He owed it to the parents to at least try to give them answers, and find out if he was their son. What life would look like then, he had no clue, but he had to at least try. And the first step would be confronting Ash. _Joy._

XXXX 

Ash had moved into a condo sometime in the last year, had even sent Clay an invitation to the fucking housewarming party. An opportune spin-up had spared him the awkwardness of declining, and Clay hadn’t visited since. Time taught him that their relationship was best kept to the occasional beer, and birthday text, which is why Ash also wasn’t kept abreast of where his offspring resided.

Clay maneuvered his car into a spot directly in front of the neat, brick-colored condo, pausing for a moment to mentally gear up for this. He slid out and strode towards the door, knocking firmly. Ash answered a second later, a slimy smile crawling onto his face at the sight of Clay. 

“Clay? What brings you here?” 

“We need to talk.” 

The seriousness in his tone knocked the grin right off of Ash’s face, and he stepped back to allow entry.

XXXX 

At this point in life, Clay considered himself pretty good at reading people. Ash seemed genuine enough in his shock at Clay’s questions, but there was a hint of underlying fear and panic that bothered Clay. A slightly desperate glint lingered in his eye that raised the hairs on the back of his son's neck.

His answers were satisfactory on the surface level, and he readily submitted to the interrogation. The capitulation seemed too easy, and it drove Clay to dig harder and deeper, to prod at the older man. 

_Where was his birth certificate?_ Ash didn’t know, shouldn’t Clay have that? 

_Was there ever a birth announcement?_ No, he and Linda were new parents and didn’t have time to think of things like that. 

_Were there any SEALs Clay could talk to that remembered Linda being pregnant?_ All the guys around during that time Ash had either lost contact with or they’d passed away. 

_What about pictures of Linda being pregnant, or Clay as a baby?_ There had been so many moves that some of that stuff had just gotten lost in the shuffle. 

Clay left Ash’s condo not feeling any more certain one way or the other. All his questions had been answered, but there was a certain greasiness to his responses that made Clay shiver. He hadn’t taken a moment to think about anything, just shot the answers off as if they were pre-prepared. Like the sort of thing you’d want to keep at the tip of your tongue if you were expecting questions. 

As he got in the car and started it, he darted one last glance back at the condo and shook his head. 

Something wasn’t right, and he’d get to the bottom of it. 

XXXX 

Marlene Moore eased down into a chair on the front porch, wincing slightly at the spikes of pain in her knees. She certainly wasn’t a spring chicken anymore, and a recent visit to the doctors had confirmed that by diagnosing her with arthritis. Apart of her wanted to snort, because it seemed as only yesterday she’d had the strength and energy of 10 men. 

A grin crossed her face as a familiar car came down the street and parked in front of her house. Anna, her daughter, got out and darted up the front steps, sliding into the chair across from her mother’s. Marlene grinned at her. 

“Why, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. What brings you here today?” 

“I wanted to go for a drive. It’s gorgeous here this time of year, and I needed a break from the hustle and bustle of Richmond.” 

An easy silence fell over them as they observed the serene scene of the neighborhood. Animals darted back and forth across lawns and up trees, birds chattered noisily, and the occasional dog-walker passed. The neighborhood was much the same as it was when Anna was a child, and they both relished the peace. 

“I saw the report on Lukas, the other night on the news,” Anna revealed, furtively glancing at Marlene. 

“It was so nice of them to air it,” she offered in response. “I just keep hoping and praying that after all this time, someone will recognize him.” 

“Maybe he’ll recognize him. With as little as he was, he probably doesn’t even know he was kidnapped.” 

Another silence blanketed them, this one much more contemplative. 

“Do you think he’s still alive?” Marlene asked. Anna bit her lip as she considered an answer. 

“Yeah. I do. I’ll always believe that until the day I die.” 

“Me too.”

Marlene couldn’t help but imagine the day her youngest would come walking up the front steps, and her family would be complete. She had to believe that day would come; the alternative far too bitter to contemplate. Hope had sustained them this long and would sustain them for all the days after. 

It had to. 


	3. Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chance encounter in a grocery store is the first time they meet, but it's only the beginning of their relationship; in other news, Clay's hunt for the truth continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the love and support! I am so happy that y'all are enjoying this story so much! 
> 
> Please don't forget to drop a review, and thank you for reading!

** 1990  **

He had been in this grocery store for too long and he knew it, but he couldn’t help it either. It wasn’t like there was anywhere else to go at midnight on a Sunday night. Going home meant facing her, and he’d likely cause another fight without even meaning to. The fight that drove him out of the house had started over  _ milk _ of all things. 

The thought of her made his blood boil again, especially when her last declaration of how she’d  _ rather be thrown in the ocean with cement shoes than be married to him another second  _ still rings in his ears. Linda had a flair for the dramatic since the day they met, he knew she didn’t mean it, but it still stung. He’d almost been tempted to snap back and say  _ well then why don’t you ask for a divorce then if you’re so miserable,  _ but caution had gripped his tongue. What if she took him literally, and then really did it? Where would he be then? 

It hadn’t been easy finding a partner who could handle the life of a frogman. The unpredictable spin-ups, the months’ long deployments with little to no contact, and the refusal to talk about what exactly happened on missions made it hard for those left behind at home. Who wanted a boyfriend or husband who couldn’t even make small talk at a party about what he does? What civilian wanted to live with the weight of knowing any of your friends could die at any second? Broken relationships and marriages were like the cold and flu among the SEALs: everyone had it at least once. 

The giggle of a child snapped him out of his thoughts, and he glanced over at the sound. A mom and dad walked slowly down the aisle he was in, a kid in the highchair portion of the cart and two more in the basket. The little girl had been the one to giggle, and she did it again while tickling the baby’s feet. The baby kicked his feet wildly. 

“Anna, be careful,” the dad cautioned. “You don’t want to make Lukas hurt his feet against the cart.” 

“He likes it, Daddy!” 

“Just be careful.” 

They passed him then, the sound of their conversation drifting away. Ash stared after them for a moment, an idea slowly forming. He and Linda hadn’t been able to conceive, a trip to the doctors’ revealing that what Linda had thought a harmless STD had sterilized her years ago. Maybe, just maybe a baby was the thing they needed to make things right. Hmmm…. 

He left the grocery store then, abandoning his cart somewhere near the soup.

** 2019 **

**** Clay pulled into the parking lot of the Richmond Police Department, contemplating the building for just a moment before heading inside. Each step he took brought him farther to the point of no return, and whatever he discovered here might be the catalyst for never going back. Still, he continued, the desire for knowledge urging him on. 

Inside, he quickly was directed to Missing Persons, a unit consisting of a few cubicles and the smell of cigarette smoke. At first, he wasn’t impressed, the detectives there looking as if they couldn’t find their way out a wet paper bag. A woman with concentrated lines in her forehead and salt-and-pepper hair noticed him idling near the door and got up, marching over to him and sticking out her hand. 

“I’m Althea Conwell. Got something to report?” 

He stared at her blankly for a moment, before jolting himself out of his shock and shaking her hand.

“Um, no. I’m looking for more information on the abduction of a little boy. Lukas Moore?” 

A heavy sigh escaped her, and she nodded soberly and waved him back. He followed her over to what was her cubicle, a neat affair with a few loose papers and a couple of pictures as decoration. A rolling chair clogged up the aisle between the cubicles, and he pulled it forward and sat in it. She shuffled through a thick stack of files before yanking one out, the label at the top reading  _ Moore, L.  _

“Everyone’s been asking about that one this week, on account of the anniversary coming up. You some kinda reporter or something?” She pulled out a cigarette and lit it, the smoke wafting around her. 

“Uh, yeah, something like that.” 

She nodded and flipped the file open. 

“It’s remarkable, isn’t it, how a two-year-old kid can get taken in the night and nobody hears a damn thing? Back then we weren’t nearly as advanced with forensic technology, not that there was any forensics to find. No fingerprints, no DNA, no hairs or fibers. He just vanished. And talking to the parents didn’t get us any leads, because they were your typical couple. The father was a plumber, mom administrative assistant. 9-5 jobs, white picket fence, two-point-five kids. It didn’t make any sense back then, and still doesn’t.” 

“Did the kidnappers ever ask for a ransom?” 

“No. There was never contact with the family, and that’s true today as well. In 28 years, no one has seen hide nor hair of Lukas Moore.” 

She paused for a moment, eyes affixed on Lukas’ picture. The lines around her eyes had deepened the more she talked, her frustration and regret visible. 

“It’s the biggest cliche in the world that every cop has a case that keeps them up at night. Well, it’s true. And this is it, for me. Me and Marlene- that’s the mom- are the same age, and I think that’s why the case bothers me so much. Reminds me that anything can happen to anyone.” 

A beat passed before she spoke again. 

“I could’ve retired five years ago, got thirty years on the job. I won’t though, not until the case is closed. Then I’ll take my leave.”

Her words haunted him the entire way home, the misery in them circling around and around. This case had truly hit her where it hurt, and 28 years hadn’t done a thing to change that. Just another person forced to live with a burden that never should’ve been theirs to carry. Sure, detectives chose that life in the same way SEALs did, but that didn’t make the pain any easier to swallow. 

A lump formed in his throat at the thought, and he had to fight to blink back tears. One way or the other, he’d find out what happened to Lukas Moore. 

There was no other option. 


End file.
